Big failure. Big disappointment?

More than a year ago, I applied for the AFS program. It’s an exchange program for 11th grade students. I’ve been dying to apply for this since I was in 8th grade. I had to go through 4 strict selections until I became the candidate to depart. But unfortunately there’s another selection that made me stop thinking about my dream..

“Bina Antarbudaya telah berusaha agar siswa-siswi yang telah terpilih pada seleksi tingkat nasional bisa mendapatkan penempatan dan diberangkatkan dalam Year Program. Namun dengan sangat menyesal harus kami sampaikan bahwa sampai saat ini adik tidak mendapatkan penempatan sehingga tidak dapat berangkat. Kami sangat mengerti kekecewaan adik, namun hal ini benar-benar tidak dapat dicegah.”

And those are the words that ruin everything I’ve been planning for. It arrived this afternoon and I read it just now. A big shame for me. Not because I failed though, more likely because I act like it’s a big deal. Very childish of me. I thought I would be crying my head off the whole entire night because of some unimportant piece of paper sent to my home in a sealed envelope :). But hey, cheer up, I thought. Yes, I did immediately bursted into tears when I read those stupid words. But I just realized that being in the program means I have to give up everything I have started over (again!), like friends, activities, and my life!

So not departing for this program isn’t the “greatest failure of my life” after all. In another point of view, I’m actually one more step ahead to my “greatest success of my life” (lol – trying too hard, am I?)

Lesson I learn today : failing shouldn’t be identical to disappointment. (I guess..)